Love Lessons to date someone on 2020 (learned from Jim)

My story with Jim was destined to end the same day we started; Ours was a love that was far from becoming the insomniacs of an idyllic romance, much less was it one of those who allow themselves to fantasize about a future together …

I met Jim at that time in my life when he wanted nothing with love and wanted to see Cupid dead and underground; I was tired of meeting men whose sole intention was to take me to bed and from there see where things were flowing (behavior that I have criticized the last 8 years of my life); so, when he began to relate to me, at that moment my way of projecting myself to the world was that of a relaxed woman and so sure of herself, that she did not want anyone by her side, in other words, she was the ideal candidate for a passing and fortuitous relationship.

“They say the best type of love is unexpected, but they forgot to mention falling in love unexpectedly with someone you can’t have is the most painful.”
― Tilicia Haridat

On the other hand, Jim was something like royalty at the gym he went to, you didn’t have to go into too much detail to know that he was wearing “haute couture” sportswear, and that this was matching the latest headphones that had hit the market; In addition to the above, all the staff who worked there were more excited than usual when the King arrived with his two nephews (including Jim), which made it interestingly enigmatic to want to get to know them a little more closely; Despite this, for me they were “the untouchables” so I just limited myself to observing them from afar and eventually greeting them from a distance with a brief smile.

On one of those days that are blacker than gray, I dared to contact one of the princes of the gym through social networks; To my surprise, he had already noticed me before, therefore, she was not a complete unknown stalkeadora who was writing to him; I remember that he was kind, and although our topics of conversation were limited to Toyota cars and the odd nonsense from the gym, he already felt that things were flowing towards a good friendship (after all, we are both Geminis, so talking was what that we were better at both)

After chatting for some time, he was encouraged to invite me out, and despite how well we understood each other, by that time I was still in my zero romantic love relationships; so I was starkly direct with my intentions on that first date, which I think should be a general rule of thumb for all dates today, as the result was that we both came to a mutual agreement on how a kind of romance would work without ties between us.

Mental note: that we knew little at the time.

That exit, over time, became many more exits, little by little the romance was transformed into an intimacy that was not physical, we reached that point where he wrote to me even at the moment when it gave him pain of head, and I did not pass a day in which I did not tell him how my day had passed; we became very close, beyond sex, beyond expectations, without realizing it we both just focused on feeling what we felt (emotionally speaking) for each other.

Many months passed, there were ups, downs, discussions, distancing, but even so, it felt as if we were closer together than ever; It was a week after my birthday when I felt that everything changed; at that moment the romance had ended but the relationship was still continuing, in fact, there was no end until the beginning of January.

Just then, when I was adding another year to my life, when I realized that what we had had been lost (or at least the dynamics had completely changed): at that precise moment it was when I felt that I began to know myself. myself, in that melancholy and nostalgia that accompanies the end of a beautiful romance, but at the same time within a relationship that does not want to end, it was when I could see the lessons that I share here:

1. True love is not suffered, nor has attachments: I always loved Jim, I was fascinated by the idea that he was very happy, but I never imagined a future together, I didn’t even like the idea of ​​having him by my side presenting him as “my future husband”
2. You don’t need a label to be a love relationship, you just need to really demonstrate how much you care : From the beginning we talked about a relationship without ties, and even though we argued and reconciled like any couple in love, we never used the excuse of “you knew what this was about”; Jim always negotiated with dialogue in person and looking for a way for us to solve together the issue that overwhelmed us …
3. If you are not sure of yourself, you can hurt the other person a lot:… until jealousy came, it was something that he did not expect to feel, and that definitely appeared to mark that ending that neither of us wanted to accept; his insecurities could hurt me much more than any infidelity.
4. You can be angry as much as you want, but that does not mean that the relationship is already over : Whenever something in your life bothers you, you usually pay for it with the weakest link; by then my debts (and my extremely low salary) consumed me like a cigarette on a cold night, therefore, every time Jim did something I didn’t like, my solution was to end “the casual relationship” basing my criteria on As we were not something formal, it was the easiest situation to solve (when by chance that relationship only had the label), over time I learned that you have to say “I’m angry, we will talk tomorrow” instead of a dramatic breakup at 3:00 a.m
5. The initial rules are just a joke in your brain to give you the illusion that you are “safe”: Jim and I made at least 3 contracts at different times in our relationship, verbal contracts that was so that both parties were very clear about what it was the boundary between happily ever after and the boxing ring to the death; but in these contracts we do not think about the unpredictable clause of which we would feel for each other, it was just this point that made all of the above totally invalid; so forget about this part of “let’s talk clearly”,nothing is permanent in relationships, not even feelings
6. A good relationship does NOT start in bed : Jim and I went out at least 5 times before getting to bed, which generated a good connection before sex, which made what we lived through was a feeling and not just a desire
7. The interest (and the feelings of the other towards you) is noticeable, and when it is no longer it is noticed twice: Either because of all the times I said “we’re done”, or because of those spaces where we decided to talk to each other again for a couple of months (of which today I’m not proud of having sought him out to take up ours), regardless of the cause Jim gradually lost interest in what we had, on the one hand he felt good about me and that made me want ours to continue, but on my side, each return, each distancing, each “is that I’ve been very busy working ”made me long for those times when we kept laughing at our chats, where romance was felt through the screen; It is precisely this longing that teaches me what I want to experience in a relationship, and that as much as there is a current love, you should never give up on something where romance is no longer

Today Jim and I continue to talk like a normal couple, but we are definitely far from being a relationship, or being what we were a year ago; It is at this point that emotional maturity invades you, and you realize that, although the romance ended, that does not take away the chemistry or the friendship forged between the two.

I know that eventually this will become something where we will only be good friends, since there is still no magic pill that makes you feel the same way for that person in the past (and with the same intensity); But no matter what happens, these lessons will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I hope that a part of me will also accompany what remains of yours.